No two ways around it. I'm in an August, summer almost over, what am I going to do to balance it all again, funk. Working 45+ hours a week, sometimes more, sometimes less, but seemingly always working wears a girl down. Also, I miss my son. I miss him.
I miss his hilarity, his smile, his companionship. That said, he's learned to swim and ride a bike, how to deal with absence, skinned knees, dogs - shoot, he even got bonked in the head by a tree branch. All endured with that goofy grin and those long eyelashes framing his twinkly eyes. He's tan and taller, wilder and more smart assy, loving and still little, but not as much. Can you tell I miss him?
and then I don't.
I spent 8 hours by myself on Saturday. Glorious time, putzing around the house time, baking, prepping a chicken time, hanging laundry, watching bad TV time...the solitude, the lovely, lovely solitude. I pitted cherries by hand, changed my sheets, washed the dishes, watched more bad TV - drank a beer (which I seldom do...) the quiet, the calm quiet that includes someone on the street playing electric guitar, "Free Bird", and the like.
I remind myself that in times like this I start to writhe inside with fear. Fear of not being enough, doing enough, or having enough - and I am, I do, and I do. It's my goal to remember the following:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve this world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us; It is not just in some of us - it's in everyone! And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others!"- Nelson Mandela
I think today, when I am in midst of the darkness of my own mind, I will give myself permission to walk in the light.
I give everyone else quite possibly the best pie crust I've made in a long time:
8 oz. butter, cubed
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup cold water
The trick really is to keep everything super-duper cold (sorry Grandma) to enjoy flaky, lovely, buttery, wonderful pie crust.
Whisk together the flour, sugar, and salt. Set aside. Add in the cold cubed butter and work it until the butter is mixed in and pea size - but not gone. You'll want to see the butter. Then add the cold (again, sorry GG) water until it's all incorporated. You might need to add a bit more water, but do it slowly as to not add too much.
Chill for an hour or more. Then you can use it the way you'd like. I used my batch with cherries - next time apples.
Even better for breakfast.